The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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