just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
