You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
