She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
