I hate your face
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
