is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
