I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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