i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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