Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
