Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
only if we run a train.
done.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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