I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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