I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
whose parrot is this?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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