I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
