I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize