Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
