Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
