i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
