OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
