Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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