I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
