Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
