we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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