Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
