at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
