oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just found puke in my bra..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
