We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
