Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
