I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
