I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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