The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
