There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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