Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
