Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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