Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
