Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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