so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize