you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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