apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
