Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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