I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
