I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Liz is crying about burritos again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
