There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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