My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
