If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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