once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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