All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
