Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
