I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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