In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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