dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
