I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
