It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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