Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
