i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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