you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
