all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
