Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
