when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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