Are we in a gay sports bar?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
