i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
