i don't like sucking hair
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
