dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
