Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
