I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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