omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
