if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
