the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
