your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
