dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
