took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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